As most of you know, society must really be scraping the bottom of the barrel if I’m making a post like this — but here I am at 2am, drowning in my thoughts.
I reread it at 8am, morning Activia in hand (because this is 42, y’all), and decided to let it fly. So… here goes.
Before I really get into it, let me start with the nots.
Many of you think you know me, but you do not.
You may think this post is political — left, right, or somewhere in between — but it is not.
You may think it’s religious — it’s not that either.
You may think I’m trying to change your point of view or undermine your argument — I am not.
What this is, is an unpopular opinion — the knee-jerk, eye-twitching, “hold onto your panties” kind of societal post.
So, keyboard warriors, please take notes.
UNPOPULAR OPINION #1: We’ve Lost the Ability to Police Ourselves
We’ve become a society that no longer exercises our right to simply… NOT.
Let me be clear:
I’m not pointing fingers.
I’m not assigning blame.
I’m not expecting one side to “win.”
And I’m definitely not claiming I’m perfect.
Spoiler alert: I’ve made massive mistakes — and I probably will again.
I’ve said things I shouldn’t.
I’ve judged people unfairly.
I’ve shown microaggressions, knowingly and unknowingly.
None of this excuses bad behavior.
And yes, accountability should always happen.
But if I — just a simple little peon — can grasp this fragile concept, then honestly… everyone can.
So what does “policing yourself” actually look like?
To avoid unnecessary conflict, I’ll share personal experiences — because you can’t argue with what I lived.
Exhibit A: The “Bullying” Debate
Here’s a hot take:
I genuinely believe that a certain level of what we now call “bullying” used to serve as basic social accountability.
Now don’t start sharpening your pitchforks — OF COURSE there are extreme, tragic, unacceptable cases.
That’s not what I’m talking about.
The problem is we’ve eliminated almost all friction.
But iron sharpens iron — friction creates growth.
What one generation tolerates, the next accepts as normal.
And sometimes, the “normal” we’re drifting toward is… not good.
Example: The High School Drop-Off Line
When my girls were in high school, I dropped them off one morning and noticed an entire parade of kids who looked like they had rolled straight out of bed into a dumpster, then into the school building.
Messy hair? Sure.
Pajama pants? Fine.
But this wasn’t comfort — it looked like abandonment.
That night I asked the girls about it.
They told me, “Oh, our school doesn’t tolerate bullying. You can’t comment on other people’s clothes.”
And listen — I’m not saying kids need to be judged into oblivion.
But we’ve confused basic self-presentation and pride with “bullying.”
We complain that young people lack confidence, motivation, or the ability to get jobs…
But we’ve removed the very friction that helps build those things.
And I say all this as someone who has run out of the house looking a hot mess more times than I’d like to admit.
Still, I’m thankful for the person (not named because I hope you all don’t keep judging me by actions I made a year ago, let alone in high school) who “bullied” me on the bus in 6th grade.
It hurt.
But it also checked me.
It kept me from embarrassing myself further — once inside the school building with a hundred peers.
Rough waters shape rocks.
Exhibit B: Rights vs. Responsibility
Having rights is an incredible privilege.
But just because you have a right doesn’t mean you should act on it.
My gun example:
We have guns in our home.
I grew up around them.
But by personal choice, I don’t shoot them, and I don’t particularly like them.
They do serve a great purpose under a responsible owner, and I’m glad to have them.
If called upon, I would use one — no questions asked.
That’s self-policing.
The same is true for anything dangerous:
Cars.
Substances.
Even your voice.
Just because you can does not mean you should.
Even voting.
Hot take #2:
I don’t think everyone who can vote necessarily should.
When I turned 18, I didn’t vote — because I didn’t know enough to make an informed decision.
Voting is serious.
If I wasn’t willing to understand the issues, then I wasn’t qualified to weigh in.
Rights aren’t meant to be used blindly.
And free speech?
We love to throw “freedom of speech” around like a Get Out of Jail Free card.
But rights do not come with immunity.
Words carry weight.
We Will Never Get It Perfect — And That’s Okay
We will always have opposition.
We will always make mistakes.
None of us are above reproach.
I’m grateful for the people in my life who love me even when I fall short.
But the truth remains:
The only person you can truly control is… (deep breath in, deep breath out… say it with me!)
I… can… only… control… MYSELF!
Say it every day if you need to.
So what is self-policing?
It is:
Emotional Regulation: Choosing not to react from fear, anger, or pride.
Self-Awareness: Pausing, reflecting, practicing stillness.
Personal Autonomy: Leading yourself before trying to lead anyone else.
Self-Care: Because your mental health fuels your self-control.
Policing yourself isn’t about shame.
It’s not about perfection.
It’s not about walking on eggshells.
It’s about discipline, responsibility, and restraint — three things society seems to be allergic to lately.
And if no one taught you this growing up, find someone’s sweet memaw.
She’ll get you straight.
It’s your responsibility to seek knowledge!
Your Friend, Cassie
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